I miss you so much.

 

Today I am in New Hampshire for the annual Khleif family reunion. It is the first time Since Grandpa Baheej passed. Everything here reminds me of him. I just wish I could see his face one more time. Hear his laugh. Smell his pipe. Hold his cubby hands. I miss him so much. I love him so much. I long to talk to him one more time. I need his advice so much right now. Being with his brothers makes it harder to not think of him. I hear him in their voice. See him in their faces. Sense him in their wisdom. He is here in memory. I guess, for now, it will have to be enough. 

The End of the Chapter of the Ginger Dynamo

Today I said goodbye to Adam. Though I know I will see him again one day, I can't help but feel that this chapter has begun to close. This part of my life has been often filled with Adam's very vocal point of views. As I sad and listened to him tonight, I realized that a lot of my time is spent passing time by looking at my phone. I realized tonight that a lot of why I see him so much is that he depends on me in a similar fashion to how my mom depends on me. I realized that I am thankful in a way that I am saying goodbye to Adam. I don't feel like I can carry myself right now, let alone someone else. I know, however, that I will make it through and persevere. Its just a matter of prioritizing. I need to get my shit in line. Now that Adam's leaving, I feel like I'm one step closer to achieving my self actualization.