Sept. 28, 2013.. I need to be happy.

How do I do that? Where do I start? I really miss Josh. Not romantically, but emotionally. He is my soul mate. Not in the sense that we belong together, but in the sense that I need him in my life. He's not here enough. I think he's moved on so much more than I have. I honestly didn't think that would be possible. It saddens me. Tonight I realized that I rely on him for happiness. He brings out the best in me. I am such a multi dimensional person; people see so many different sides of me. He sees the real me.. all of me. I feel like I'm not true to myself when I'm not with him. I don't want to say I need him, but I feel like I do. I wish he still needed me like I feel like I need him. I think its because he's moved on so much and I haven't. He's at a place where he is so happy and I'm so miserable. What can I do to be happy? What do I need to do to get through this? Why is it that this time was the hardest time to see him? Is it because I'm so unhappy or am I so unhappy because I'm not around him. God.. I dont know. But something has got to give. I cannot live like this. I need to fix this. I need to do it. Not anyone else. This is all on me. I need to nut up and start facing the wind. This wont be easy and I'm not going to enjoy it in the beginning, but I need to do it. I can do this. I know I can. I am Alex K*****! I fucking got this.